Quaretine-while

Like everyone else, I have been stuck inside, stuck with my thoughts.

And it has given me a lot of time to think about how I define success and how to achieve that success.

And I don't know.  I mean, I've achieved a lot of the things I thought would make me happy, but I still feel like the same person. It's probably along the lines of, "Wherever you go, there you are."

There's this idea of needing to make the best of any situation and learn and grow and whatever.

But, what happens when you don't know the direction where you want to grow?  I have no idea. I thought that this whole extensional dread thing would be over by now.

I'm still the same anxious person that I was, but not in the same shitty situation? And yes, that is amazing and I'm glad to be on the other side of the shore, but what now?  What would living a good life look like?

I'd like to be able to work out with more regularity. I'd like to write more. I'd like to cook more. I'd like to have the patience to work through the humdrum monotony of working towards a life I'd like to live. I know I need to put the work in, but putting the work in seems so much like. . .work?  Haha.

It's fucking hot in Los Angeles right now.

I've made good friends. I have good friends, but sometimes I can't stand them.  Is that normal?  What the fuck. I have these half attempts at relationships, but I never know what to do about them. Intimacy is this thing that is behind a screen. Like, I see it and I know I should want it, but eh. And even while embracing my identity as aromantic, it still feels like there's something I'm missing out on, like I'm having FOMO on a feeling.

But other than being stuck with my thoughts, I have been gardening and drinking quite a bit. So, there's that, I guess.