How To Work Out A Lot

I should go work out, but one of my brothers and the dog have fallen asleep on the floor, near my feet, and I don't want to wake them up.  I don't want to do anything productive (meaning looking for jobs, writing cover letters and reviewing my resume), but I don't really want to do nothing.

The dog is making weird sounds.  I think she's snoring.  It's kind of like a muffled farting sound from her mouth, so it must be snoring.

How To Work Out A Lot

Sure, you could be all, "Oh, I want to look bangin'," or "I want to improve my overall health."  But, for myself, I've got a gym membership that I don't really want to cancel (just in case I ever want to do the two aforementioned  reasons).  But, I don't really want to pay for something I never use.  So, I've got to convince myself to go to the gym for some other reason.  And it's this:  Develop a Gym Crush or alternately, Create An Imaginary Storyline/Timeline For All The Gym Regulars.  It works pretty well.

For the Gym Crush, it doesn't necessarily need to be a romantic crush.  Just find yourself looking for a certain person.  It helps if this is a regular or maybe staff.  And they should have at least one stand out quality.  For example, I was on the treadmill next to this guy whose sweat smelled like Cinnabon.  It was awesome running next to him.  My current gym crush is this amazing lady who always wears amazing, clashing colors and patterns.  She only stays on a machine for like 5 minutes, but seeing her just brightens up my day.

Pros:

1. You'll have a reason to go to the gym.
2. You'll have something to look forward to.

Cons:

1. It might develop into a real, romantic crush.  
2. You might become disappointed if they stop coming. 
3. Huge, awkward situations if they start interacting with you, since you've been pretending to be in love with them.

I'm a huge fan of creating story lines for people.  This works best with regulars.  You just take people and start making things up about their lives.  The guy on the stationary bike next to you?  His wife is having an affair, and he's just started noticing how distant they've become.  The jerkface girl who just got on the treadmill next to you and is challenging you to a treadmill race by aggressively sprinting?  Has a condition that if she doesn't sprint short distances on treadmills, next to people who have already been running for the past hour and are drenched in their own sweat, her legs will stop working.  Don't take it personally.

Pros:

1. You'll go to the gym.
2. You'll be distracted while you're working out.

Cons:

1. You'll scorn the Resolutioners for invading your storyline.
2. You'll worry when people stop coming in.  Did their evil twin brother kidnap them?  Maybe their Canadian relatives are keeping them hostage, thinking all this warm, Maui weather is affecting their temperament, making them too mellow and affecting their life goals?! 
3. Huge, awkward situations when they interact with you, since you've been an imaginary peeping-tom.

Or you could just go to the gym because you like working out.  There's that too.   But people who say that (and I sometimes find myself in this category, which is alarming and conflicting) make me want to eat all the food. ALL THE FOOD.

Oh, the brother and the dog woke up.  Better go.